A Salamander Review
by BirchShort
Summary: A first person telling of an interesting interaction with a Spicy Salamander.


Chapter One

I've had an oral fixation for a long time. Strange way to start a review—I know—but I want you in my mindset. I've had an oral fixation for as long as I've been wanting to "get it in". I love to eat food, I love suckers, I love anything with a taste that I can put in my mouth. When I hire my succu-girls I bite them and suck them; it's just what does it for me. When I go to a new place I want to taste the girls, and while they all taste different and are exciting to try none have been so life-altering as one blazing salamander.

I'm also a degenerate. I dropped out of my business and political classes when I realized I could just shoot arrows and swing my hatchet to make more bunce than people working harder than me. I dance through the red-light district gallivanting through life without a care in the world; I play with succu-girls and inc-boys like It's a profession; and when I sit down to talk it's generally about something really stupid or horrifically indecent. I am comfortable calling my personage total trash. Just fun oral addicted trash.

While I was perusing the town I slunk into a nice little place for ale and the like. There had been constant rumblings about numbers, ratings, and fire since the moment I set foot in the establishment, I leaned over to ask the little angel—making its rounds—about the rumblings. He was embarrassed and pointed over to the quest wall that dominated the attention of five individuals.

"I just posted my review."

Once he said "review" it all clicked. I knew I had recognized the name of the tavern, but-

I realize it must seem like I'm droning on. No one who grabbed this smut off the wall cares to hear a story. You want the deets!

**Quick summary**: Angel says "I fucked a BBQ lizard." with far more stumbles and much softer verbiage.

I'm like, "Nice, I love BBQ."

He's like, "You should go there, it was really awesome."

"Can't, I'll be all burned up."

Then he says "Just get enchanted jewelry of burn immunity and a potion of extreme heat resistance."

I'm like "You know what, that's a good point." and off I went.

**End of Quick summary**

It took me almost a month to save up enough for the rings. I went with items for both effects so that I could go back if she was as good as I hoped. Spoiler alert: she was.

I marched my way through the exhaustive heat of the volcanic region contemplating every step of the way if I should equip my rings or not. For those unfamiliar with enchanted items: their effects are applied to the wearer for a duration based on magical affinity and magic stored in the item; as a human my natural affinity is shit, and the rings were pretty cheap—relatively. I had maybe three hours of uptime before they needed to be recharged and I didn't want to end "all burned up". As a result of this time limit, I suffered my way to the center of the town in search of the shop that I was recommended.

"It was Fem-Flesh right?" I hadn't bothered to write it down and when I went to ask the kid again he wasn't in. Going off memory and my trusty instincts I found the long-awaited heaven that I was expecting. A sexy salamander warped around a chunk of meat fellating a bratwurst was adorning the front of the establishment. Her look was exciting and enrapturing, but the smell wafting from the place is really what got me.

It was just the pure unfiltered sent of barbecue and sex appeal. By some magical force, my nose and dick worked in tandem to pull me into the building. I was beaten down by an unwavering heat the second I entered. I was sweating even more profusely than I had been for the rest of the journey as I approached the empty counter.

"Just over here~!" I heard a feminine voice call out. She sounded like she had some pep to her step and a song in her heart. My assumption was quite spot on. When I looked at where the call came from I saw her in all her raw glory. I'm not kidding when I say I have never in my life been so horny so quickly. I couldn't tell you—even now— what it was exactly about her that did it, but every box was checked.

"Howdy," The greeting was all my brain could manage with the heat and the hot frying my thinking to ash.

"What are you thinking of ordering?" She asked rolling over onto her side to look at me more directly. I was like a hungry animal watching a damn spit roast. Her skin had this cooked tinge to it and output this entrancing orange and golden glow. Her ass was this full round shape that was just drool-worthy. Tits that hung without feeling overly sized—this is coming from a guy with a preference for petite. These pink nipples that I would call cute if she wasn't just such a fucking snack!

I must have looked like an absolute fool: staring with a slack jaw. I just couldn't think straight. Her tail flicked excitedly to the side as she positioned herself more fully onto her back rather than her side. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I stole a glance at the world's most magnificent muff. She covered her flower with her tail and squinted at me playfully, "Well, what would you like?"

I wish I could say that my response was clever; a quick-witted one-liner that would drop panties upon utterance, but that would be a lie. I will forever regret what my broken brain had produced at that moment. I stared at this goddess of flame and spoke thus "I'd like some Barba-you." I said that line and froze despite the heat.

The sheer amount of embarrassment that flooded over me was more sobering than any coffee or pain. Before she vomited in her mouth at the stupid line I started talking again. "That was horrible, and I'm sorry that you had to hear it. I would like to cook food on you. Please." The giggle I got in response sounded genuine and helped bring me back to the moment.

"What are you feeling hungry for, cutie?"

I started to blush again "What would you recommend?"

She crawled over the flat stone until she was close enough to start singeing my eyelashes. I leaned back to avoid the burns and was gifted a great view of her chest pressed into the rock; it was smushing her sizable bust into a satisfying shape. She hummed a cute ditty while flipping through the apparently fireproof menu. "Ah~ha! I recommend that." She pointed out her choice.

It was an assortment of thin cuts and one striking sausage, to be honest, it wasn't all that much food. She picked up on my hesitation and smiled. "It's best to keep the appetizer light." Her eyes flicked down to my pants. "Most visitors neglect protection, but you came prepared." My own eyes widened when I realized that she could sense the rings. She backed off from the menu and splayed back out across the flat rock; I took my seat as well.

"I guess I'll take the 'Slim Sizzler' then." A young salamander that I hadn't noticed till just then nodded and left with the order. She was blushing more in her uniform than the absolute Queen laying naked on the table—not that I could blame her. "You don't get a lot of people staying for the main course?"

"Nope! They just tease and leave," She stretched her arm over her head.

"How rude of them."

"I know, so mean, honestly."

"When did you notice the rings?" I wanted to keep talking to her. Her personality was so light that it just felt good to talk.

"When you walked in. With that mana, I thought you were some kind of low-level fire elemental, but even better it was a smart human."

I smiled at her and began to play with my chopsticks. " 'A smart human.' That's pretty polite of you."

"That was what I thought when I saw you, but now I'm not so sure." She grinned in a way that said there was more. "After all I've just been sitting here for so long, and we've done nothing but chit-chat."

"Mamma taught me not to play with my food," I said with an adopted accent.

"Well," She started with a hot breath as she leaned over to me again. She put her hands on the table and pressed her breasts together with her arms. "Momma's not here right now, is she?"

I swallowed hard and adjusted my chopsticks in hand. "No, I guess not." I moved the tips of the sticks to the perk of her nips. It was all happening in slow-mo: the metal chopsticks came in contact with the sides of her pert nipple, they began to heat up, her soft skin molded to the pressure, I squeezed the sticks as if trying to pick up the breast, her hot breath huffed into my face, I pulled at her-

"Your Slim Sizzler Starters!" Our moment shattered as the young Sala-girl from earlier returned with most of my order. She nodded slightly and briskly walked off.

"S-sorry about her she's not the type for nudity."

*cough* "Yeah, no, you're great. I mean, she's fine. Yeah."

There was a long pause as I tried to gather my thoughts. Once I had I began to plan. Unaware of this, she began to speak, "So, what do you want t- *Sizzle* oooo cook ?" I had cut her off mid-question with a well-placed strip of meat.

"Sit back if you would. I require an even surface to perform." I spoke calmly as I began to place my meat with expert precision over the most tantalizing points on her body. The snapping and popping of fat, filled my ears, that full aroma of meat rocked my nostrils, and my eyes hungrily devoured the sight of the aroused woman before me.

The pieces covering her nips finished cooking first. I grabbed at the edge of the first one with my chopsticks. I pulled at it lightly and she gasped just as lightly. I peeled the piece off of her and her head lulled back in pleasure. The meat held the shape of her nipple in it and was cooked differently depending on which part of her breast it was touching. It looked like her nip was slightly cooler than the rest of her breast. How fun!

I continued playing with her now uncovered and stimulated nipple with the chopsticks while I rolled my tongue over the nip-meat. It was full of flavor, juicy, and hot. I ignored her protests aimed at my stopping of stimulation and removed the other meat made nipple pasty. I pulled that one off like a bandaid and was rewarded with more delicious sounds. "It tastes better than regular barbecue. Is it thanks to the show?"

She spoke slowly as I placed and removed more meat from her body, "Mhhhh- m-maybe you can-HAn taste the mana in-in my sweat. F-for human's it-t-t's hit ooor miss."

"Maybe, that's it. Whatever the reason, you are perfect." I pulled the last piece of cooked meat off over her pussy and toyed with her while munching on the muff meat. It was a little charred, I had assumed she ran hot down low but she had exceeded my expectations once again. I had four strips of meat left and the sausage. I looked over the excellent woman before me and the meat I had to offer. I had no other choice.

"Would you roll over for me?" She did so without question and stared expectantly at my chopsticks. I reached around and prodded with said chopsticks at her lower half. She breathed heavily all the while. That was until I found my target I pinched her clit between the chopsticks and lightly pulled up. "Ass up, Sweetie."

She complied without hesitation lifting her ass in the air for me to behold. "Like I said before, perfect." With her in position, I picked up one piece of meat and held it up for a moment before frowning. "Hmmm, spread."

She turned her head to look at me. "What?"

"Your ass." I refused to miss out on any sexual location to cook my meat. I couldn't spread her without putting on the rings, and with how backed up I was feeling around then; I was going to need the full three hours. She unfolded her arms out from under her head and grabbed her oiled up ass. Her fingers pushed into the scalding hot flesh like it was soft as Jello she pulled her ass cheeks apart. I placed one strip of meat on the inside of her left cheek. "Now release, I'm thinking of your ass like one of those Patty Presses. I might even take it to go!"

Knowing that the pressed piece wouldn't take long I placed another strip right under her tail. The strong tail was flicking side to side, based on what I read before I had gone, it was a sign of embarrassment: cute. I moved up her body and placed the third strip on the back of her neck. The scales on the back of a salamander's neck get hotter the more aroused or angry they are—remember if their neck is steaming you are either gonna fuck or get fucked. The second I placed this third strip it started to fry.

I moved quickly back to her ass and reached between her hot buns to find my very well done piece of meat. Good taste, a little tough, but it had a lot of that manna taste that I had gotten earlier from her other lovely bits. I remember deciding at that moment that I would be eating ass that night. I was roused from my thoughts by the smell of burning.

I looked up at the piece on her neck and it was shriveled to all hell. I picked up the piece of chard fat and put it in my mouth without hesitating. Not great. Burnt beyond recognition but that manna taste was definitely there. It was like if you ate charcoal and downed a bottle of _Sweet Baby Rays_ afterward. I had definitely exceeded the recommended cooking time and temp.

I flipped the one under her tail and it didn't look overdone yet, so I used the extra time to move in front of her. She had her face buried in her arms and tits with a blush extending to the tips of her ears. "A bit of ass play and you turn into this?"

She tilted her head up from her arms and locked eyes with me. I could see the _need_ in those red orbs. I saw the drool running from the corner of her mouth and the bite marks on her forearm. "You're a sensitive little Dragon aren't you? Open your mouth." Her jaw dropped open and she stuck her long tongue out slightly. It was thick and strong but the way it moved made it look softer than her tits or ass. I put my last strip along her tongue. "Now close it. Baking meat holds in the fats." She stared up at me the tip of the meat strip and her tongue sticking out past her full lips.

I walked back to her ass and swiped the piece I had placed under her tail. It was cooked a little slower than the other two: more on the rare side. The manna taste was lacking but good meat nonetheless. I chewed the piece over in my mouth while I admired the thick sausage I had been provided.

The sausage was a good five inches in length but seemed rather girthy—more of a brat than a sausage. Holding the brat in place I pushed a chopstick into the meat, skewering it. Not a fan of sounding personally, but some people are I guess. I flicked the tip of the brat like it was a syringe, and prepared for the use of the pseudo-cock I had been provided.

I ran the sausage tip over her lips—the lower set—that she was oh-so-kindly spreading for me. She had her fingers split apart between the ring and middle to show me—in a fantastic manner—just how open and ready to receive she was. She tightened and untightened around the air like she was gasping for a filler.

She was just begging for penetration and her reaction upon receiving will forever be burned into my memory like gospel. The muscles in her thighs flexed and quaked. Her asshole winked. I heard ten distinct pops as each of her toes curled. As I pushed the whole five inches of thick pseudo-cock into her quivering body it was as if her body put on a show for me alone. I saw small flames climb across her hair and up her horns, her powerful tail curled to find something to grip and when it didn't it straightened and flexed. Her fingers clenched and spread apart wider. Her shoulders were shaking. It was absolutely gorgeous.

I left the sausage inside her and she continued to shiver. I took a fork from the table and walked over to her face with a—thinking back on it, probably sadistic looking—smirk. "Say 'Ah'."

"Ahhh." Her voice was quiet compared to the sound of the sizzling meat that had been cooked to perfection in her hot mouth. I lightly stabbed my fork into the meat to avoid stabbing her tongue. Her full-length tongue hung from her slack-jawed mouth. It sat slightly on the slab table and was surrounded by a mouth full of flavorful drool.

"You look messed up, and you're not even done cooking my sausage." I cackled around the mouth of meat and walked back to her back end to continue playing with my food. Now with her mouth open, she moaned out her appreciation. She never really managed words longer than "Yes" but her point was made.

I overcooked the ever-lover-fuck out of that sausage. I would guess that a minute or two would have cut it. By the ten minute mark, I had no choice but to stop. It was so charred it was starting to fall apart. It was the only part of my meal I didn't eat. Needless to say, I ordered a replacement and continued where I left off.

I avoided cooking this one as excessively as the last; I also tried a bit of hotdogging to darken up the skin. I could tell the night was going to go well after the meal just based on her reactions to the dogging. "Perfectly cooked, as all dogs should be," I mumbled to myself enjoying the tasty *SNAP* of the brat as I bit it in two.

It burned the hell out of my mouth.

I spat the half onto the table and looked over to make sure she didn't notice my fumble. She had half-lidded eyes that stared out into nothingness with the world's goofiest smile plastered all over her adorable face. I poked her cheek with the half a brat still on the chopstick. "You want half?"

Remember what I said about things being burned into my memory? This was one of those things. She took the chopstick from my hand, put her tongue at the base of the dog, and wrapped it around the stick; then with her mouth open still sporting that doofy grin, she deepthroated the stick, wrapped her lips around the base, and pulled the stick back out perfectly clean. She chewed three times, ran her tongue over her teeth, looked up at my awestruck face, opened her mouth, and said, "I'll swallow _whatever_ you give me."

"I think I'm in love?"


End file.
